Do you have a special routine for those days when you need comfort? You know those days when everything is being overshadowed by the horrible horrible news that was delivered to you when you came home after a hard days work? How do you protect yourself from something that you know is coming, something that you never wished for? Do you hide under the cover, do you fill your mind with dark music that takes you to that place you long for, or do you just weep? I’ve tried all of them and I’m out of ideas.
I wasn’t surprised yesterday when my mother called this afternoon and told me the news. After all I had been waiting for it, for weeks now. But knowing that the pain is going to hit you, dosen’t make the blow easier to handle. At least not for me. Yet, after all the pain that has poured through my veins, I’m filled with this numbness. It feels as if I am looking at the whole situation from the other side of the window. With the numbness kicking in I’m starting to feel like an observer and not like I’m the effected one. And maybe that’s all I really can do, observe. Because you can hold hands and lie next to each other and let jokes fill the silence as you try to comfort your closest friends. But nothing will change the fact that death passes through as if he were a friend, as if his presence was wanted. And he has greeted me way to often.
But if I have learnt anything from his visits, it is that time is precious. It’s too precious to not take risks, it’s too precious to let tiny arguments get in the way, and it’s too precious to say that we will meet again. Because we will never know that, and if I don’t meet my friend again, at least I know that I don’t regret anything I did our said to him when he was here with me, with us. I don’t know if you think that I’m cheesy, but it dosen’t really matter. Just please, don’t regret it. Because before you know it it’s to late.