Torture

I hate the feeling of uncertainty that comes along with love. Does he like me? Am I good enough? What if he finds me boring? Should I do this, should I do that? You question everything about yourself because suddenly what someone else thinks about you is important. I find it frustrating because I tend to torture myself until I finally find out if the person I like is into me or if they don’t feel the same way. gash

About tree weeks ago I would have been carefree and fine to live without love because there was no one that caught my eye. But now it’s the only thing I think about. I hate the first weeks when it’s the only thing that circulates you mind and you get weak in the knees when you know that your going to meet you crush. It’s only okay when they look back. It’s only okay when they show you that they are interested. Otherwise it’s just torture, pure and simple torture.

The city stinks of pooh

skullsSpring has arrived to Uppsala.

This means that several things have changed in my hometown. First of all, the pooh that was frozen and safely stored away under the layers of snow and ice have started to reappear and are now spreading the, oh ever so sweet and wonderful, smell of shit.

Secondly, creatures are starting to show their faces on the streets and in the trees again. The birds are back in town and I am overjoyed. I love waking up to a song sung by a bird.

And last but definitely not least, I think I’m falling hard this time. He might be someone worth thinking about. And trust me, I’ve been spending my fair share of time thinking about him; his dimples, his goofy laugh, his dark humour, his honesty, and his perfect body. Dudes, his body is perfect!! I freaking die every monday when I have to swim with him and I see him walking down to the swimming pool and the only thing that is covering his perfectly sculpted body is the pair of swimming trunks he’s got on. gosh *sigh*.

Right now my feelings are best described with the lyrics from Marvin Gaye’s song “Let’s get i on”.

I’ve been really tryin , baby
Tryin to hold back these feelings for so long
And if you feel, like I feel baby
Come on, oh come on,
Let’s get it on

Fuck he just texted me. My heart is starting to thaw, I hope he realizes that soon.