Summer Boredom

In 48 days I turn 18. I graduate from highschool in less than a year. Which means that I can more or less do whatever I want to. But having the option to do whatever I want is somewhat frustrating. I will no longer have an obvious goal that I want to reach. I no longer have to go to school, although I know that I will go to university. All of a sudden I have the opportunity to choose. I have the right to choose. But what is the point of having that option if I have no idea what so ever of what I want to spend my days doing.

To be honest, I’m feeling lost. When I was younger (I know I’m still young), about 10 years old, everything was so clear. I wanted to be the secretary-general of the United Nations. No ifs and buts. That was what I was going to do, that was my goal when I was 10 years old. I had found my passion as a young girl. I realized that someone had to try to fix the problems that affected so many people across the world. And I wanted to be that person who made a difference.

I grew up to become a realist and at the same time a pessimist when it comes to what I believe that I can accomplish. Because almost 8 years have passed and I find myself cruising through dreams where I play a different character every time. And I try to see which one fits me best. And doing so I have come to the devastating conclusion that I actually don’t have a burning passion anymore. Or I do, but it feels like I don’t burn enough to follow through with the dreams that I should be transforming into reality. It’s like someone poured a bucket of water over me. Does everyone feel like this at the end of highschool or is it just me?

I keep telling myself to just get over it, suck it up and do something useful. I’m supposed to be useful, right?